Jock the TA Octopus

My friends and I have been grading a lot lately. It's that time of the semester. Reading students' papers can be very interesting and rewarding, but it also (as I think most teachers would agree) frequently tends to be a frustrating experience, when it's not simply mind-numbing. Often, we fantasize about ways to make grading easier. Tonight, an exchange about grading between fellow Comp instructors on Facebook somehow led us to imagine sea slugs writing papers, and thence (naturally) to the idea of an octopus TA. 

It's actually not that far-fetched. I recently read some articles about octopus intelligence. They use tools, play, solve puzzles, are amazing escape artists, can crawl around on land, and have awesome camouflage skills. Then Abby shared this little article about Jock, an octopus in Scotland who has taken to cleaning his own tank. Feeling that an intelligent cephalopod like Jock might be interested in switching from janitorial to clerical work, in a moment of stress-relieving silliness, I invented Jock the Octopus TA. Below, I share some of Jock's recent assessments of student writing. Also, apparently octopuses refer to themselves in the third person. They are solitary creatures who evolved at the bottom of the ocean; their brains are not like our brains. Don't question it.

"Jock says your source is invalid. Try JSTOR next time. Jock loves peer-reviewed articles almost as much as he loves rearranging his tank furniture to be more feng shui." 

"Jock wishes to use this paragraph to scrub the scum off the side of his tank." 

"Jock is not interested in how comprehensive sex education is the solution to the failure of our entire educational infrastructure. He thinks you should write a paper about cephalopods' right to privacy." 

"QUOTING ACTUAL SCHOLARS! Jock approves."

"Jock finds your mastery of academic style over substance simultaneously impressive and depressing." 

"Jock is intrigued by your thesis statement, but finds your argument's credibility hampered by poor paragraph organization and weak source attribution."

 image source: dailyvisits.co.uk

 When Jock is not grading papers or cleaning his tank, he practices playing his bagpipes. He and Paul II, a German octopus guitarist, are hoping to start an international Octopus band. Paul II's predecessor was allegedly psychic, but Paul II is an empiricist and doesn't believe in such pseudoscientific nonsense. Inspired by his high-achieving bandmate, Paul II thinks he may have a future in academia as well--perhaps as a research assistant.

LDS General Conference, Sunday Afternoon Session

We're in the final stretch! Welcome to the concluding session of this General Conference. Watch it here. I'll be updating this blog post between each speaker's remarks, with a summary of the things that most stood out to me, and with any personal commentary in italics.

Image: President Thomas S. Monson. From lds.org

Mormon Tabernacle Choir: "They, the Builders of a Nation" and, after the opening prayer, "I Wonder When He Comes Again"

Elder Quentin L. Cook, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Verdi's opera Nabucco was inspired by the composer's fascination with the prophet Jeremiah. I will be speaking about spiritual subjugation. The principles taught in the book of Jeremiah are of great importance, and its history serves as a backdrop to the Book of Mormon. Jeremiah was a contemporary of Lehi. God's words to Jeremiah are haunting: Israel had traded the blessings of God for the wages of sin, and their unrighteousness led them to exile and physical bondage. Yet because of God's mercy, Israel's scattering became a means of blessing all the nations of the Earth. People can put themselves into bondage not only to addictive substances but also to sin. I will speak in particular about four: First, substance abuse and addictions. Second, social habits that consume our time and prevent us from properly supporting our families. In my professional life we endeavored to create family-friendly workplace for both women and men. Third, intellectual bondage to worldly trends that substitute the philosophies of men for gospel truths. I am thrilled with the educational, professional and other opportunities now available to women, and that technological advancements have relieved them of much of the backbreaking labor that once consumed their time. But we should not lost sight of the value of the roles of motherhood and homemaking. Wait, that was only 3 kinds of bondage. Did I miss the 4th?

Neal L. Anderson, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

We sometimes overly associate the power of the priesthood with men in the church. The priesthood is the power of God, given to bless every man, woman, and child. A man may open the window, but he is not the source of the sunlight that illuminates and gives warmth to the room within. The ordinances are available to all. If the power and blessings of the priesthood are available to all, why are they administered only by men? When we speak of the priesthood there are many things we do know. But we do not know all things. We know that all souls are equally precious to God regardless of gender, but we also know that men and women were not created to be exactly alike. Gender is an eternal characteristic. We know that in every dispensation God has given the priesthood to men. We know that worthiness is central to receiving priesthood ordinances. Unworthily participating in the administration of priesthood ordinances is taking the name of God in vain. We know that a family led by both a father and a mother is the pattern set by God, but we also know that He eagerly sends children to families in many other circumstances, and has provided ways for them to also enjoy priesthood blessings through the ministrations of others. With time and eternal perspective, we will see things as they really are, and understand his perfect love. We do not determine the callings we receive. Sincerely asking for, listening, and responding to the thoughts and concerns voiced by women is essential to the church, society, and our families. The power of God's priesthood is found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I promise that as you participate in the ordinances available through priesthood power, you will be greatly blessed.

This talk is packed with meaning! Certainly recent events influenced the timing and content of Elder Anderson's message, but the principles also have broader application. It's working on many levels at once.

David M. McConkie, First Counselor in the Sunday School General Presidency

I'm a Sunday School teacher, so this message has particular relevance for me.

You have been called by revelation and have been set apart by priesthood authority. That means you are authorized to teach in His name and in His way, and to seek his assistance to carry out your teaching responsibilities. You must not teach your own philosophies, even mingled with scriptures. You are commanded to teach the principles of the gospel as they are found in the standard works, to teach the words of Latter-day prophets and apostles, and to teach as you are directed by the Holy Spirit. The most important part of your service will be your own daily spiritual preparation. Of course you must diligently prepare for each lesson and to lean how to teach effectively, but the most important part of your service is your personal spiritual preparation. Your own testimony of the gospel will grow and your conversion will be deepened. Search the scriptures and treasure them up in your heart, and when you teach you will be blessed with the Lord's power and with his word. Some become experts in merely delivering information. Others neglect their lesson preparation and hope the Lord will help them get through the lesson. You must have both the word and the power of the gospel in your life in order to teach successfully. You must learn to listen. Our students will tell us what they need to hear. Teachers are too focused on delivering comfortable, repetitious content rather than responding to the needs of their students. You must be willing to let go of your outlines and your notes and follow the promptings of the Spirit when they come. When you do this, the words of Christ become your words, and the Holy Ghost will be able to bring all things to your remembrance. You will find yourself saying something you did not plan to say, and then if you are paying attention, you will learn from the things you teach. A teacher is also a student. Finally, you must stand as an independent witness of the things you teach, and not just an echo of the lesson materials or other people. The Holy Ghost will bear witness to you of the truth of the things you teach.

Choir and Congregation: "Called to Serve" Camera pan of the Conference Center exterior: Ooh look, there are still leaves on the trees! They're just beginning to change color. Sigh. I miss Utah. We don't really get "Fall" here in Arizona.

Kevin S. Hamilton, of the Seventy

Those of us who have joined the church have made covenants to obey the commandments, serve the kingdom, and observe and keep personal and congregational worship. We should not neglect any of our Sunday meetings, thinking that only Sacrament meeting is necessary. Each of our Sunday meetings is designed especially to serve the particular needs of those who attend it. We each have to make personal decisions as to how we observe the Sabbath day. The adversary sometimes uses good activities as a way to cheat our souls but getting us to avoid making the better choice of attending all our Sunday church meetings. Our everyday decisions will impact our lives in significant ways.


Adrian Ochoa, of the Seventy

As you pursue your own lives, don't forget to look up. Pay attention to the signs of our times. The internet is a marvelous technology that gives unprecedented access to information, but also can give the false appearance of authority to anybody with a blog, and can also be a portal to pernicious pornographic content. Remember that "by their fruits ye shall know them." We have an ever-increasing need for the spirit of discernment, to recognize what is of worth and what is not. Remember to "look up" for divine guidance and safety. "No one knows when the Lord will come again, but the perilous times are now upon us."

Terence M. Vinson, of the Seventy

How do our attitudes and behavior reflect the thoughts and intents of our hearts? Sometimes the Lord does not solve our problems for us because he expects us to exercise our intelligence and faith to solve them ourselves. When we do all we can, He will add His strength to ours. We ought to know the Lord as our friend, and know that He loves us, and looks after us.

A fly is buzzing around Elder Vinson's head, and just landed on his nose. That's something I don't think I've ever seen in Conference before.

Russell M. Nelson, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Each day is a day of decision, and many of these decisions have significant impact on our physical and spiritual welfare. Our spirits are often housed in imperfect bodies. These physical challenges provide opportunities for spiritual growth. Knowledge that your body is the temple of your spirit should influence your choices about how you care for and use it, and those decisions will affect your eternal destiny. Physical choices influence your spiritual development. Physical self-mastery builds your conscience, which determines your moral character. God implanted strong appetites within us for nourishment and love. When we exercise those appetites within the bounds of God's laws, they bring great joy. It is no wonder the adversary seeks to corrupt those appetites. If we have been subject to our appetites, we can change. The gospel of Jesus is a gospel of change. Freedom from self-slavery is true liberation. The Lord's law of marriage cannot be compromised if we wish to experience the true joy that comes from obedience to it. Sin is still sin in the eyes of God, even if legalized by man. We cannot change God's doctrine--it is not ours to change. It is ours to study, accept, and obey.

Is it just me, or does Pres. Eyring look younger than he used to?

Thomas S. Monson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

We thank those who have been released, and to the choirs that have participated in this conference. I thank you for your prayers in my behalf, and in behalf of the other officers of the church. "May heaven's blessings be with you. May your homes be filled with love, and with courtesy, and with the Spirit of the Lord.... May we show increased kindness to each other, and may we ever be found doing the work of the Lord."

AMEN! 

Tabernacle Choir: "Abide with Me, 'Tis Eventide"

President Monson is waving and giving "thumbs up" to the crowd as he exits the Conference Center. Pres. Uchtdorf just blew a kiss toward the audience. Aw! The general authorities file out, arm in arm, or hand in hand, with their spouses. Others stop in the aisles to shake hands or hug, and greet and visit with their fellows. These leaders serve all over the world and for many, opportunities to meet together are few. For many of us who watch Conference from home as well, it's an opportunity for a special kind of gathering with friends and family.

I feel filled to overflowing from all the messages we've heard during this conference. I'd like to take some time to distill my thoughts about them, but at the moment I feel exhausted as well as exhilarated by the 2-day, 10-hour spiritual "marathon" that is General Conference. So, it will have to wait a little while.

LDS General Conference, Sunday Morning Session

Welcome, welcome, Sabbath morning! I'm liveblogging General Conference this October. I've already written my way through the first three sessions yesterday, and I'm excited for the final two sessions today. You can watch live with me here.

As before, I'll be mostly summarizing each of the speakers' messages--or at least the parts that seem most important to me. I'll update the blog at the end of each speaker's remarks. My own commentary will be in italics.

Image: Temple Square in Salt Lake City, from utahvalley360.com

Mormon Tabernacle Choir: "Rejoice, the Lord Is King!"

Opening Prayer You know, it never bothered me at all--I didn't even notice--that before last April, women hadn't offered prayers in General Conference. But I must say it warms my heart each time I hear my sisters acting as the voice of the congregation in those prayers.

Tabernacle Choir: "Master, The Tempest Is Raging"

Henry B. Eyring, First Counselor in the First Presidency

My grandchildren are growing to maturity and are beginning to enjoy the blessings of family creation. Since no two families are alike, it's hard to give universal advice about happiness in family life. Yet the Lord has given but one plan of happiness for all of is in mortality, which is to follow all the commandments of God. And the one overarching commandment that will lead to the heart of the happy family life, which applies to all relationships regardless of circumstance, which is: "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind...and...thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself". From this we can draw many essential principles for happiness. Forgiveness is one. Service and accepting callings in the church is another, and this is true both in our communities and in our families.We need Christlike love to develop unity of heart in our marriages. It takes the help of God and time to polish us to perfection. This is especially true in family life, where we will find great joy, and great sorrows, and challenges. When those we love stray into dark and dangerous paths, we keep loving them, and we have hope in the mercy of Christ.

Dallin H. Oaks, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

The second of the ten commandments expands upon the first. It commands us not to worship idols, and more than an injunction against bowing down to physical idols, it is about our priorities. Do we place higher priority on worldly things than we do on serving our God? If so, we are in danger of serving other gods. Only marriage in the Lord's way carries with it the promise of eternal blessings. Rates of marriage among young adults is declining and the median age of marriage is at an all-time high. This is in part because of worldly priorities. The scriptures command us to be respectful and tolerant of all people, regardless of religious beliefs and practices. We claim the right to the same respect and toleration of our religious beliefs and practices. Our emphasis on the principle of chastity is based on our doctrinal understanding of the importance of the procreative power. Cohabitation and out-of-wedlock childbearing have dramatically increased in our society. This is contrary to the eternal nature and purposes of marriage and family. Legislation has authorized same-gender marriage in many places, and some seek to erode gender differences. Such social changes do not change our doctrine or God's law. We may suffer discrimination as a result of our stance. If so, we should remember our first priority is to serve God. Don't let the temporary challenges of mortality distract us from our eternal destiny.

Well, that ought to stir things up.

Bonnie L. Oscarson, Young Women's General President

True conversion comes from serving the Lord. No worldly promises are great enough to trade for our precious testimonies, church membership, and the blessings that come from knowing and living the gospel. Conversion is a process, not an event. We should not wait to live gospel principles until we have a testimony of them. We gain testimonies of gospel principles by living them, and experiencing the blessings that follow our obedience. Each has the primary responsibility for their own conversion. We cannot rely on the faith and diligence of others for our own testimonies. Yet when we are converted, we reach out to strengthen our brothers and sisters.

My roommate's comment: "I liked her! She didn't have 'Primary voice.'"

Choir and Congregation: "Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel"

Richard J. Maynes, Presidency of the Seventy

"The challenges we face, if successfully endured, will be for our ultimate good." Our journey through life is designed to be a test of our character. Because God knew we would not always make the right choice, he provided a Savior to atone for us. Our testimonies help us to endure in righteousness. Spiritual endurance requires dedication, perseverance, and persistence. The gospel does not give us immunity from death, but victory over it through the resurrection of Christ. The test of mortality is an endurance race.

Richard G. Scott, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Uh-oh! Elder Scott gives beautiful messages--I love to read them. But has the most soporific voice! Hopefully blogging will prevent me from nodding off while he speaks.

The people of Ammon buried their weapons of war and covenanted never to take them up. But as the Nephite armies were worn down in their defense, the Ammonites, knowing that fathers have a duty to protect their families, considered breaking their covenant in order to fulfill that duty. But Helaman knew that the breaking of covenants is never justified, and that there was another way. Their sons had not made that covenant, because they had not committed those sins that made it necessary for their fathers to do so. Thus they were able to take up arms to defend their families. But this must have been a cause of anguish for their fathers. Fathers, not children, are supposed to protect their families. Yet their past had undermined their ability to do so. Despite the reality of repentance, past sins can make us vulnerable to future temptation. Nonetheless, through our reliance on the atonement and the heed we give to wise priesthood counsel, the Savior is able to protect us from our weaknesses. We have all made poor choices, we are all in need of the atonement, to repent of our rebellion, to heal the weaknesses of our character. How can we fortify our character? First, sincere repentance. Repentance is not punishment, but a "hope-filled path to a glorious future." Next, make covenants and receive ordinances for yourself, and work to provide such ordinances for your own ancestors. Share the gospel with your neighbors. Serve faithfully in all church callings, especially home and visiting teaching. Be a real friend. Most importantly, serve the members of your own family. Fill your life with service to others.

Tabernacle Choir: "O Divine Redeemer"

Thomas S. Monson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Spoke tenderly of the recent passing of his dear wife Frances. Tomorrow would have been their 65th wedding anniversary. This is the 50th year since Monson was called to the Apostleship--a lifetime of service that involved great sacrifice for her as well as him. Many have expressed their condolences through donations to education and missionary funds. Knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the promise of eternal marriage has been of great comfort in this time of grief. No person has ever lived entirely free of suffering and sorrow. There is the temptation to ask, "why me?" Sometimes there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel, no promise of dawn at the end of our dark night. Pessimism is a distorted prism. The heavenly virtue of patience is required. Shall I falter, or shall I finish? "Man is born unto trouble," as Job said. He was a righteous man yet faced a test that could have destroyed anyone, but he held fast to his testimony of the Redeemer. Whenever we are inclined to feel burdened down, remember that others have endured such trials and risen above them. So can we. Making the gospel of Jesus Christ the center of our lives will enable us to triumph over our troubles. Sadness and suffering are universal. A beautiful story of a 105-year old "Brother Brims" who had known "Tommy Monson" from when he was young. "Heavenly Father has been so good to me." He was not resentful of his sufferings, but deeply grateful for his blessings. We may be tested to our limits, but such trials enable us to change for the better. Not only must we persevere and endure, but become more spiritually refined as we pass through sunshine and sorrow. Whether it is the best of times or the worst of times, our Savior is always with us. We should not have to be driven to humility to remember him and place in him our trust. He has promised, "I will not fail thee nor forsake thee."

Tabernacle Choir: "We Thank Thee, O God, For a Prophet" And we do!

LDS General Conference, Priesthood Session

I feel like I need to offer a bit of context. Historically, the Priesthood session of General Conference has been attended at Temple Square and via satellite broadcast at Stake Centers throughout the world--meetings which were attended only by men (who could attend whether or not they held the priesthood). While the sessions have always been made available to everyone on a delayed basis in video, audio, and print form, this year is the first time it will also be streamed live on the internet.

As with the inclusion of women among those who offer prayers during General Conference last April, there is some feeling that this may be partly in response to efforts by a group of LDS women to be allowed to attend the Priesthood session in person. That request was declined, but with the announcement that the Priesthood session will be streamed live, we can all enjoy these messages without delay. Not only that, but it means greater flexibility of access for men who for whatever reason may feel unable to go to a Stake center, though church leadership is urging men and boys who are able to still attend in person at their meetinghouses, because it's not just about the messages but about the opportunity to gather with other brethren to commune with and strengthen each other (which, no doubt, is part of why Ordain Women doesn't think the live stream is fully satisfying).

Though I have never felt a personal desire to hold the priesthood, and am satisfied with the many opportunities I have had to serve in leadership, teaching, and ministering roles in the church (indeed I am aware of few other religions that place so much responsibility for the ministry on women), I am also sensitive to the concerns and desires of my sisters who feel differently, and I commend them for respectfully asking for further light and knowledge, and faithfully continuing to serve and worship as fully committed members of the church in the meantime. That, I believe, is the pattern for revelation that has been laid out for us in the scriptures and in the counsel of latter-day church leaders.

All that aside, I'm certainly not going to miss a chance to be part of a historic occasion like this. So even though I would kind of like to take a break for the evening (I've already had FOUR HOURS of church today!), I'll be back, live blogging the Priesthood session this evening.

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So, it's almost 5, and I'm back for more! My computer chair is getting a workout today. But I tell you what, I'm looking forward to listening to a Men's Choir! Scroll down to see my liveblog of the Priesthood session.

Image from heraldextra.com

President Eyring announces that the services are being broadcast by satellite and via the internet to Priesthood holders throughout the world. Plus, you know, lots of men and women who don't hold the priesthood. But he doesn't mention us. I get that we're not the primary audience, and that's OK.

Ooh, an Aaronic Priesthood choir. That's new. Usually it's missionaries from the MTC or something. They look so cute, and so earnest! Except that one. He looks kind of bored, or maybe just tired. 

L. Tom Perry, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

I recall a primary teacher whose great desire was to prepare us boys to receive the priesthood. She promised if we memorized all the Articles of Faith, we could go on an outing to a place of our own choosing. When we chose to go on a canyon hike, we didn't consider the difficulty that would pose to her elderly frame. But she was gamely true to her word. When we stopped for lunch, she taught us our final lesson--that memorizing the words of the Articles of Faith would be meaningless if we did not understand and apply their doctrine. Her emphasis on gospel study has stayed with me. True doctrine comes from God, the source and foundation of all truth. False doctrine comes from Satan, the father of all lies. He wants to deceive us and twist the truth so that some will lose their way. The scriptures teach us how to avoid false doctrine. True doctrine is to the church as a battery is to a cell phone. Elder Perry relates the story of the restoration of the gospel and of the priesthood. In addition to the still small voice of the Spirit, and studying the scriptures, church leaders are an additional source of guidance and revelation for us. The 13th Article of Faith provides special insight into how we should present ourselves and conduct our lives. Each Article of Faith adds unique value to our understanding of the gospel. Young men, use your bright minds to study the doctrines of the Articles of Faith and use them as a guide for your studies and your life.

Gerald Causse, First Counselor in the Presiding Bishopric

A marvelous aspect of this church is that it is diverse and global. Our sacred heritage transcends our differences. We are equal heirs to the same special lineage. As members of the church we strive to be in the world but not of the world. This can sometimes make us feel like strangers. We have a divine mission to welcome and care for the outcasts and strangers. Those who were considered outcasts in His time were given special consideration from the Savior. In this church, there are no strangers, and no outcasts. There are only brothers and sisters, and we should treat each other as such. Because of technologies that increase speed of transportation and communication--changes that are designed by God to further His work--our friends, acquaintances, communities and congregations are becoming increasingly diverse. We all need to work together to build special unity. Unity is not achieved by isolating those who seem to be different or weaker, but by welcoming and serving those who are new and have particular needs.

This is a timely message, and I feel that it has relevance also for occasions when we discover differences among those already in our midst, whom we had assumed to be just like us! 

Randy D. Funk, of the Seventy

How will you receive spiritual power to serve as a missionary? The scriptures promise such power to all who are duly called to serve. The promise will be fulfilled on condition of humility and obedience to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. The Lord commands us to be humble because the process of repentance and forgiveness begins with a broken heart. Broken soil is sown with seed that, when cultivated, bears good fruit.

Choir and Congregation: "Do What Is Right"

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency

When I was young, falling and getting up seemed to be part of one and the same movement. But as I have gotten older I have come to the conclusion that the laws of physics have changed--and not in my favor. Recently when skiing with my grandchildren, I fell, and was unable to get up on my own. My grandson was not interested in my explanation for why I could not get up by myself, instead grasping my hand and saying "Opa, you can do it now." And with his assistance I got up. Sometimes rising up and continuing onward may seem impossible. But sometimes we just need someone to look us in the eyes, take our hand, and say "You can do it now." We may think that women are more prone to feelings of inadequacy than men, but I don't think that is true. These feelings may bother us deeply. Men of promise have withdrawn from service because they became discouraged over a few failures, and thus missed the opportunity to fulfill the potential within them. "We all want to be respected and esteemed, we want to be champions. But mortals do not become champions without effort and discipline, or without making a few mistakes." The promise of repentance is the greatest message of God to men. "True repentance is about transformation, not torture or torment." Godly sorrow is necessary, but self-loathing is counterproductive. The adversary wants to confuse us about who we really are and what we really desire. He also tries to make us see the commandments as things that have been forced upon us. But if we see these things and choices as who we are and who we want to become, we have a better chance of rising to the challenge. Falling down is normal. But as long as we rise up again, we can become better, and be able to walk tall and continue on. You should hear President Monson pray for you.

Dude, this is awesome. I can't recall the last time I heard a man of such manly stature offering such frank insight and advice about manhood to his peers. I wish every man could hear this talk. (Not that any of this doesn't also apply to women, but I know a lot of guys, and feel that it will have particular resonance for them.)

Henry B. Eyring, First Counselor in the First Presidency

Priesthood holders sometimes get overwhelmed by the many obligations they are under. The parable of the Good Samaritan is a story that can help you in such situations. The Lord will give you compassion for those in need, he will provide others to assist you in your work, and he will repay all those who join with him in helping those in need. You can be inspired to know who to ask and who not to ask for assistance in tending to the needs of your congregations. And you can be inspired to know how best to help those under your care. You cannot help others repair spiritual damage unless your own faith is vibrant, so it is necessary to continually treasure up the words of life. Our own trials help us to develop compassion so that we can better succor those we are called to serve.

Thomas S. Monson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

First Monson story of this Conference! Contrast the Utah sheepherder who rode casually behind his sheep, while the yappy dogs did the work of keeping the flock on track, with the European shepherd who led his flock, and his sheep followed him. It is the latter type with which the Savior identifies when he calls himself the "true Shepherd." And such is the type of shepherd that we ought to be--one who leads with love and is willingly followed by those under his care. Home Teaching is one of our most urgent opportunities to provide inspiration and care. Second Monson story of Conference! I'm not summarizing them because summaries are inadequate. You have to listen to him tell them. Home Teaching is more than a mechanical monthly visit. We can and must do better. A true home teacher is a true friend. As home teachers, our greatest exemplar is the Savior.

Choir: "God of Our Fathers, Whose Almighty Hand"

This experiment with liveblogging has been really great for me so far. I usually keep a conference notebook, but it's neat to get to share these impressions with my friends, and I hope if you feel inclined that you'll share your thoughts about Conference with me. I'll be back at 9am, and again at 1pm tomorrow for the final two sessions. 

LDS General Conference, Saturday Afternoon Session

I just finished a delicious lunch of honey BBQ chicken nuggets, fresh strawberries and raspberries, took a potty break and refilled my water bottle. Time to settle in for another 2 hours of General Conference! Click here to watch live with me.

I got the idea to liveblog GC last April from following ByCommonConsent's liveblog, which they do every conference, with light hearts and multiple voices.

Image: Mormons on the lawn at Temple Square, from http://mormonsoprano.com/

The picture is probably from between sessions in April. But I'm reposting it because it reminds me of when my little brother and I used to go down to the Greenbelt (a park in Idaho Falls) across the street from the temple, and spread ourselves out on a blanket on the lawn to listen to the Saturday afternoon session of conference on the radio. But only in April; it's usually too cold for that in Idaho Falls in October. Sadly, they don't broadcast Conference on the radio here in Mesa; otherwise the weather right now would be perfect for me to go find a spot of lawn near the Mesa temple from which to listen. But I'll just have to settle for the lovely breeze coming through my open window as I watch online. And the upshot is, I can keep liveblogging! I'll offset my own comments on the proceedings below in italics.

Combined Family Choir: "On This Day of Joy and Gladness"

Sustaining of Church Officers. It's a privilege for Latter-day Saints to participate in this process each conference. Raising our hands manifests not only that we approve of these officers' callings, but that we are grateful for their service, and sustain them with our prayers and through our faithful service in the church.

Choir: "I Know that My Savior Loves Me"

Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

A gospel-centered home is a safe place to raise children today. Though evil of all kinds is ever present in these perilous times, "when I think of the future, I am overwhelmed with a feeling of positive optimism." This optimism is possible through faith in Jesus Christ. Many years of effort have produced editions of the scriptures in every language, with footnotes and study helps (a new edition of the standard works was released digitally early this year, and print editions in English became available in August). Studying the scriptures brings strength--it is less important which books we read than that we make it a regular practice. We can find hope and peace for ourselves and our families. Packer relates an oft-repeated story of a dream that Joseph F. Smith had. It does not matter whether we come to the Lord early or late in our lives. No matter how much we have been stained in the journey, we can be washed clean by the atonement of Christ!

President Packer's health has been poor for years now. He seems more frail each conference. Though the effort of speaking is audible in his voice, he must feel very strongly about the importance of the message he offers.

D. Todd Christofferson, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Throughout history societies have relied on the moral force of women. I wish to commend women for their moral influence, and encourage them to cultivate the strength which comes from moral virtue. A woman's moral influence is nowhere more powerfully felt than in the home. Women should be serious about ongoing education and preparation to contribute meaningfully in their communities. Quoting Neal A. Maxwell: "Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses?" Sisters, I don't wish to over-praise you as we sometimes do in ways that make you cringe. I just mean that whatever your personal circumstances, your moral authority is vital. The devaluation by some feminists of marriage, motherhood, and homemaking can threaten that moral authority. Worldly attitudes toward sexuality threaten women's moral authority. There is no room for a double-standard that condemns women's promiscuity but excuses it in men. But instead of raising the standard for men, our society has lowered it for women. Some, in the name of equality, wish to erase gendered distinctions between men and women. We ought instead to embrace the unique strengths and moral force of women. None of this is any excuse for men and boys to shirk their own duties to exercise moral authority.

It's no secret that there is controversy surrounding the position of women in the church. It seems likely that some may find Elder Christofferson's message condescending, a reiteration of outdated stereotypes. Yet it is also a reminder of the profound but often-overlooked influence of strong women throughout the history of the church. I'm sorry that he has reiterated negative perceptions about feminism, by focusing on a narrow part of it. That part is real, and has a long and antagonistic history with the church. But it's not all that feminism is or ever was. I wish we could engage in a more mutually respectful dialog.

S. Gifford Nielsen, of the Seventy

What would you do if a prophet of the Lord really called you? Well he did, this morning, President Monson called us to engage more earnestly in missionary service. This is the most remarkable era in the history of the church. Let's not let the work go forward without us.

Choir and Congregation: "Press Forward, Saints"

Arnulfo Valenzuela, of the Seventy

More missionary stories! "By small means are great things brought to pass." The innocence and youth of our missionaries exemplify this, as does the faithful service of ordinary members throughout the world. Through faithful acts of service we not only bring about great things in our own lives, but have the opportunity to transform the lives of others. "Let us reach out to others with faith and with love."

Timothy J. Dyches, of the Seventy

The story of Jesus visiting the waters of Bethesda and healing a lame man, and the story of Jesus healing the lepers on the road to Jerusalem. As a physician, I focus on healing the physical body. Jesus heals not only bodies but souls. "Come, follow me" invites us to leave our old life behind and draw near to Christ. The trials of life should soften our hearts and as we become converted to the Lord, we become whole. Forgiveness sometimes feels excruciatingly difficult, but it is possible through the grace of Christ. "Have faith and patience in the Savior's timing purposes for you." He stands at the door and knocks. Let us answer by prayer, repentance, obedience.

Jeffrey R. Holland, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Speaking particularly to those who suffer from mental illness or emotional disorders. However bewildering, these afflictions are some of the realities of life. Our pursuit of godliness will be tried and tested again and again. It is only an understanding of the divine love that motivated Christ's supernal sacrifice that makes our lesser sufferings understandable and bearable. "This dark night of the mind and spirit" is more than just a period of sadness. I had my own glimpse of such an abyss, and though it was temporary, it has given me an enduring sympathy for those for whom it is more enduring. How can you respond when such mental challenges confront you or those you love? First, remember the unchanging love of God for you, no matter what. Seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual wellbeing. Seek priesthood blessings. Observe the Sabbath and partake of the sacrament. Be alert to potential stressors and triggers in yourself and others, and when you recognize danger signs, make necessary adjustments. If needed, seek the advice of reputable, qualified people. If you had appendicitis, God would expect you to get a priesthood blessing and surgery. He expects us to use the resources available to us. Be grateful for small victories, and be patient. "Patiently enduring some things is part of our mortal education." To caregivers who are responsible for the health of loved ones: do not destroy your own. Don't run faster than you have strength. And remember that charity never faileth. And remember that in any illness or challenge, there is still much in life to rejoice and be grateful for. "Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the dawn will break brightly, and all shadows of mortality will flee. Though we may feel we are like a broken vessel, as the Psalmist says, we must remember that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter."

Holland! Y U MAKE ME CRY SO MUCH!?!?

M. Russell Ballard, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Missionary service! After all that has been said, the greatest and most important duty is to preach the gospel. We have been proselyting for 144 years. Are we prepared to lengthen our stride and quicken our pace? Members should increasingly work in partnership with full-time missionaries. Many members hesitate to share the gospel for two reasons. First, fear. Second, misunderstanding of what missionary work is. You might feel you would be asked to do unrealistic things in your relationships with others. Rest assured, that is not the case. If you will pray for opportunities to share the gospel, fear will be replaced with faith and confidence. Then we must demonstrate our faith by watching for opportunities, and they will surely come. They won't require a forced or contrived response but will flow as a natural result of our love for our friends and neighbors. They will respond in the same spirit, though the timing may not be right for them to receive your message, they will appreciate the spirit in which it is offered. You don't have to be outgoing or eloquent. You just have to lift up your voice and speak as your heart is prompted. It is not a burden, it is a privilege to share the gospel. Heed the promptings of the spirit and become engaged in doing what you can.

Choir: "Love at Home" Seriously, those kids are stinkin' cute. And props to them for sitting quietly on the stand for 2 whole hours without going crazy. Hahaha! Little guy in the choir just yawned a HUGE yawn in front of millions. Don't feel bad, little buddy. We all know how you feel. Time for a break!

Sister McConkie offers the closing prayer. Six months ago, this was a big deal. Now it's just par for the course. And the general authorities and officers of the church file out all orderly. Or at least they were. Now there seems to be a bit of a traffic jam because they're stopping to chat and shake hands and stuff. Hey, it's just like the foyer after Sacrament meeting! We Mormons, we like to chit-chat after meetings.

Normally, I'd be done until tomorrow morning. But they're broadcasting the Priesthood session live on the internet tonight! Normally it's only been available online on a delayed basis. This is the first time it will be broadcast live.

LDS General Conference, Saturday Morning Session

Guess what! It's GENERAL CONFERENCE TIME! Awesome, right? I have decided to try live-blogging. But while the heavenly Mormon Tabernacle Choir is singing, I'm going to eat my breakfast cereal before it gets soggy. Hit the jump to follow Conference with me live(ish). My personal observations will be in italics.

Image: the interior of the LDS Conference Center in Salt Lake City. From mapletonnews.com

Thomas S. Monson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

A historic landmark observed by President Thomas S. Monson: church membership has reached 15 million. Wow! And the number of full-time missionaries has nearly doubled. He reminds us of the Lord's command to "feed my sheep." President Monson is the Lord's appointed spokesman to the church and to the world today, and here's the first piece of counsel he offers this conference: "Now is the time for members and missionaries to come together, to work together, to labor in the Lord's vineyard, to bring souls unto him...and he will assist us in our labors if we will act in faith to fulfill his word."

Tabernacle Choir: "Israel, Israel, God is Calling." MoTab, you give me chills. I love you.

Robert D. Hales, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Brother Hales describes the process of preparing to speak at conference. He promises that if we listen prayerfully to conference, we can receive inspiration about what the Lord wants for our lives at this time. It isn't always in what is said, but sometimes in what we hear and feel from the Holy Spirit as we show our willingness to receive the word of God. "We gather to hear the words of the Lord. And we return to our homes to live them." We should study these messages, and share and teach them with our families. God will speak to you.

Ulisses Soares, Presidency of the Seventy

"Christlike attributes are gifts from God." The Spirit of meekness enables us to perceive our weaknesses and in the process of time, by taking up our cross daily, become strengthened in Christ. We improve day by day, through our own efforts and through the grace of Christ. We cultivate meekness by controlling our tempers and subduing our pride. We can avoid "detours and sadness" in our lives by being humble and walking hand-in-hand with the Lord. He tells an extraordinary story of a Brother Matlango, of Johannesburg, who because of the laws of his country was not allowed to attend church or be baptized. This faithful brother was eager to learn more of the gospel anyway and asked the Bishop of his area if they could leave a window of the meetinghouse open so that he and his friends and family could attend church through the window. Eventually the law changed and later, a ward was organized in his own neighborhood.

Carole M. Stevens, First Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency

Every man and woman who is baptized and confirmed a member of the Church receives the Holy Ghost and is entitled to receive revelation for themselves. Priesthood has been restored so that families can be sealed eternally--an ordinance that can be received only by a man and a woman together. All of us need the blessings and power that come through temple ordinances. We ought to exercise faith and cultivate reverence for God's power and priesthood authority (that priesthood authority is God's authority was emphasized repeatedly). Heavenly Father is generous with his power--all men and women have access to that power and to the blessings of the ministering of angels and communion with God. We ought to fulfill our individual roles and responsibilities according to the Lord's plan, so that all may be blessed through our ministrations. "Do we receive the gifts given to us with gratitude, grace, and dignity?"

OK, I got behind because you can pause when you are streaming Conference. And I really, really don't like the hymn "There Is Sunshine in My Soul Today". So I'm going to fast-forward and catch up to the live stream! ...it's kind of perfect.

Edward Dube, of the Seventy

We receive callings to serve in the church joyfully, accept releases willingly, and when new callings come, we recognize that no calling overshadows another, that all are important to the building of the kingdom, and we are "not weary in well-doing". "Faith is always pointing toward the future." The early pioneers who set off into the wilderness toward the west did not know exactly where they were going or what the future held, but they knew they were led by the Lord's servants. We cannot see with our eyes at the present time what the Lord has in store for us, but we can have faith in his goodness and mercy. Teamwork and coordination is more important than mere size and strength.

One of the things I love about conference is seeing and hearing the voices of an increasingly international church leadership. Elder Dube is from Zimbabwe! He was sustained a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy just last April. And according to lds.org, he's 50 years old. He doesn't look a day over 30. 

Elder Bednar! Holla! BYU-Idaho solidarity!

David A. Bednar, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Two important lessons about the law of tithing. (Oh look, a list! haha, Elder Bendar, I love you man, but you are SO predictable!) The first lesson is about blessings that come to individuals and families as they obey the law of tithing. The second lesson is about the importance of tithing to the growth of the church. When we live the law of tithing we often receive significant but subtle blessings that are not what we expect but bless our lives in extraordinary ways. Among such blessings are the gift of gratitude, enhanced discernment, greater personal determination, greater capacity to act and change our own circumstances, increased spiritual and temporal capacity to do more with less, a keener ability to prioritize and simplify, and an enhanced ability to take care of what we already have. We receive "greater capacity to change our own circumstances rather than expecting circumstances to be changed for us." (And there go his itemizing fingers! It just wouldn't be a Bednar talk without them.) Assurance, peace, faith and hope; stamina, perspective, and resolve may be precisely what we need to persevere, though we might wish instead for deliverance.

Lesson 2: "The simplicity of the Lord's way." The Lord's law of finance for the church is defined in D&C 119 and 120. It's simple: all members give one tenth of their increase, and this fund is disbursed by a council under the direction of the Lord, and at present these funds are used to fund welfare services, meetinghouses, teaching materials, educational institutions, etc. 2 basic and fixed principles: the church lives within its means and does not spend more than it receives, and a portion is always set aside for contingencies and emergencies. These are the same principles that are repeatedly taught to all members regarding their personal finances.

Dang, I'm 5 minutes behind the live stream again. But the pause button is making live blogging easier. Yay technology!

Tabernacle Choir, "Keep the Commandments." But wait! They're singing a new, second verse! Oooooh!

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, 2nd Counselor in the First Presidency

We do not require anything of our members, but the Lord asks that we consecrate all. The lay clergy of our church receive no pay, but the people give of their time freely. Every six months, we watch 10 hours of talks! And every Sunday, we attend 3 hours of church services! This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the service and sacrifice that members willingly make. "Why would anyone want to join such a church?" The LDS Church is one of the fastest growing in the world. There are many reasons, but here are just a few: First, the church was restored in our day by Jesus Christ himself possesses the authority to act in His name, and is led by continuing revelation from God. Another reason is because of the many great opportunities available for doing good. Baptism is the starting point in our walk of discipleship. We find joy, healing, comfort, and forgiveness here. One might also ask, if the gospel is so wonderful, why would anyone leave? Some might suppose that it is because of being offended, or because of laziness, rebelliousness, or sin. The reality is not that simple. Many leave after years of struggle in their conscience with honest questions. We grieve when they leave, but we honor their privilege to worship God according to the dictates of their own conscience, just as we claim the same privilege.

"When the entire truth is eventually known, things that didn't make sense to us before will be resolved to our satisfaction... And to be perfectly frank, there have been times when members or leaders in the church have simply made mistakes. There may have been things said or done that were not in harmony with our values, principles, or doctrine. I suppose the church would only be perfect if it were run by perfect beings. God is perfect, and his doctrine is pure, but he works through us." 

Despite the imperfections of His servants, God will not allow his church to stray from the course that He has set for it. There are few members of the church who have not wrestled at some point with serious doubts and questions. "Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith." Do not allow your doubts to keep you from enjoying the blessings that come from exercising faith. If you feel you don't belong, you might be surprised to discover that you fit better than you think We need and are strengthened by the diversity of backgrounds and perspectives of our worldwide membership. All fall short of perfection. Do not allow personal sin, or the perceived hypocrisy of others, to keep you from receiving the atonement of Jesus Christ. "Come, join with us...there is room for you here.... Come, join with us, for here you will find what is precious beyond price...the words of eternal life, the promise of blessed redemption, and the pathway to peace and happiness."

Tabernacle Choir: "Come Ye Thankful People, Come"

That's it for the morning session. I'll be back in two hours to live-blog the afternoon session. You can watch it with me by clicking on the link below! 

October 2013 LDS General Conference Live Stream